When You Don’t Want to Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of when my husband lost his job. Now, one year later, we still are unemployed and life is more challenging than ever. In addition, for the past three months I’ve battled life-threatening medical issues.

Let me tell you: I have many days where I don’t want to give thanks with a grateful heart because of the excruciatingly difficult trials our family is enduring.

If giving thanks is difficult for you today, please know that I completely understand! Several times over the past year I have had to ask myself, “Is it really possible to really count it all joy during life’s toughest trials?”

I’ve discovered that the short answer to that question is an enthusiastic “yes.”

Make no mistake: It has not been an easy journey to learn how to give thanks in all circumstances, especially when giving thanks is expected (such as during holidays like Thanksgiving).

Giving thanks with a grateful heart is far, far from easy, especially when you’re enduring trials and tribulations.

But, friend, I want to share what my family and I have learned about giving thanks in all circumstances, and how you too can find authentic thankfulness in every life season (no matter how difficult).

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Can We Really Give Thanks in All Circumstances?

What if giving thanks is possible in the here and now–in the midst of marital difficulties, cancer diagnoses, wayward children and empty wallets?

What if God is calling us to search for more (whether it’s the Thanksgiving holiday or just any day of the year) to discover a deeper life that is truly able to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

And here’s the kicker: What if God allows us to go through trials and tribulations in order to bring us to that place of authentic thankfulness?

giving thanks | thanksgiving bible study | thanksgiving | bible study thankfulnessWhat if He allows our tragedies so that He can tell us, “Walk with me and let me show you a lasting contentment and thankfulness that cannot be shaken”?

This is the true “giving thanks” I believe God calls us to discover.

In fact, it’s often through the tears that we can see the testimony to the thanksgiving.

P.S. I want to give you a free Thanksgiving Bible study so that you can understand how the Bible defines authentic thankfulness in a deeper way.

Yes, this is labeled a “Thanksgiving” study, but truly, you can complete this free Bible study anytime of year. It’s also perfect for individual study, as a kids’ Bible study or even as a family Bible study. Go here to download the free Thanksgiving Bible study.

And speaking of Thanksgiving…

The Big Lie About Giving Thanks at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving: Just the word evokes an idealized family gathering where everyone is holding hands and in perfect health, with fully-funded bank accounts, blissful marriages, and children who are always cheerful and obedient.

Now that’s a far cry from reality isn’t it?

No one’s real Thanksgiving gathering looks like this. Ever.

Yet we’ve somehow convinced ourselves that in order for unreserved thanks giving to occur (no matter the time of year), this idealized picture must be present.

We’ve bought the lie that our ability to give thanks should be based on how close our life matches this perfect image.

What Does It Really Mean to Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart?

In Christian circles, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is an oft-quoted scripture, especially when we’re giving thanks at Thanksgiving, or anytime we’re trusting God through trials: “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

Let that thought sit there for a minute. All circumstances? All the time? Really, God? You want me to say “thank you” if my child is suffering from a debilitating illness or if my husband one day decides to have an affair?

Well, perhaps we need to redefine our definition of what thankfulness is.

Giving thanks with a grateful heart doesn’t necessarily mean that that we’re saying we believe the situation is perfect and that’s why we’re thankful.

In fact, giving thanks doesn’t even have to mean that we’re happy about the situation or that we like it at all.

Thankfulness can simply be an offering: a hope and a faith put in a promise yet to be fulfilled. It’s a faith in believing God’s truth that “all situations work together for those who love God and are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

It’s persevering through the pain because we trust Him and believe in the promise, like the example given of many who have gone before us (Hebrews 11).

RELATED YVF VIDEO: “Acceptance With Joy” (subscribe here)

Thankfulness recognizes that it doesn’t have to be exactly how I want it for me to say “amen.” 

Instead, the act of giving thanks acknowledges–sometimes with tears–that it doesn’t have to be perfect to be good.

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Encouraging Examples of Faith Through Trials

I’m like you–sometimes life’s difficulties make it nearly impossible to see how we’re supposed to be thankful. Truth be told, my wretched heart’s natural bent is to wallow in my misery, complain about the injustices and rail against the painful parts.

The last thing I want to do is to “give thanks for all things” as 1 Thessalonians 5:18 encourages me to do.

It’s during these times when the Holy Spirit steps in. In a gentle voice, he reminds me of those who walk beside me and who have gone before me (Hebrews 11; Hebrews 12:1-3) so that I don’t lose heart.

I think of the biblical story of Job–a man who watched his whole world collapse as his livelihood and family were taken from him–who still said, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him” (Job 13:15).

I think of Horatio Spafford–a modern day version of Job–who was able to pen the powerful hymn “It Is Well With My Soul” after the death of his daughters and the loss of his entire fortune.

I think of the friends whom I’ve watched succumb to horrible illnesses–wonderful men and women who were bright lights in this world–who overcame their tragic circumstances by choosing to say “God, please allow me to discover ways to give you the thanks for all aspects of this unspeakably awful part of my journey and let my life be a testimony to your faithfulness.”

I think of the thousands of Christians worldwide who right now are suffering extreme persecution, and the hundreds who, today, will willingly choose to give up their life before giving up their faith in God.

And I think of my Lord–the God-man beaten to a pulp, pinned to two splinter-filled planks of wood, and humiliatingly displayed before the entire city–who underwent such physical and emotional torture for no other reason than to say, “My darling daughter, this is what I’m willing to endure so that you and I can be in relationship together.”

Reflecting on these people and circumstances doesn’t change the difficulty of my own situation; but it changes my perception of it and opens the door to giving thanks with a grateful heart.

4 Steps to Authentically Giving Thanks in All Circumstances

If you’re finding it difficult to give authentic thanksgiving right now, first of all know that it’s OK.

We place an added shame on ourselves when we know we should be doing something (especially something that is right and good and that is encouraged because of a national holiday) and yet we don’t feel the emotion of thankfulness.

  1. Acknowledge That We Don’t Want to Give Thanks. Can I first encourage us to admit to these emotions? Can we be real enough with ourselves to see these places of inauthenticity and choose to desire something more?
  2. Discover Why Giving Thanks Is Hard. Next, let’s do a little digging. Let’s write down everything about the situation and let those real emotions flow–even if they are painful to feel. We’ve got to be honest about all aspects of the circumstance so that we can identify the areas to bring healing.
  3. Reflect on Current Opportunities to Give Thanks. What specific parts of the trial here are unenjoyable and difficult? Most important of all, consider which aspects of the situation are blessings. Note that something doesn’t have to feel pleasant to be a blessing. Where have you seen God provide, bring hope, offer encouragement–even in this trial? And where do you see room for God to do even more miraculous things? Look to these as the starting point for that flow of authentic thanksgiving to occur.
  4. Ask for God’s Ability to Give Thanks in All Circumstances. Come face to face with those things that are gut-wrenching, unfair and challenging and ask for Him to bring you a different perspective. Ask for the supernatural ability to choose to be thankful during this trial, trusting that only He can provide the endurance and encouragement through the pain.

Today, search, dig, look for the authentic ways to give thanks with a grateful heart. Your heart may be tear-stained, covered by anger or drenched in frustration, and that’s alright.

Give every part of the life trial as an offering to God, asking Him to give you the power to rise above the ugliness of the situation to discover the blessing so that you can give thanks in all circumstances.

Just like a pearl that is formed inside a oyster’s shell as a result of the oyster’s irritation by a grain of sand, great blessings are often released through acceptance and authentic thanksgiving.

More Posts on How to Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart

4 Ways That Acceptance with Joy Will Change Your Life Today

18 Bible Verses on Real Joy

How Can We “Count It All Joy” During Life’s Toughest Trials?

 

Free Thankfulness Bible Study

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Want to learn more about how to give thanks in all circumstances (whether it’s Thanksgiving or not)? I want to give you a free 5-Day Thanksgiving Bible study.

Remember, it doesn’t have to be the Thanksgiving holiday to learn about thankfulness. Discover biblical truths about thankfulness in this free Bible study. Download it here!

About Alicia Michelle

As a wife and mom to four passionate kids, Alicia Michelle loves encouraging other moms with practical tips for joy-filled living in everyday life, especially in parenting, marriage, faith and health.Alicia is the owner/editor of Your Vibrant Family; the author of Plan to Be Flexible, The Back to School Survival Manual; and the creator/producer of the "7 Days to a Less Angry Mom Online Video Course,", Christ-Centered Christmas Resources and My Memory Box Organizing System. In addition, she is a monthly contributor for several popular family blogs, including Crosswalk.com.Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

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