"Marriage isn’t so much about finding the right person but being the right person.” I heard that quote many years ago when I was still single, and it still transforms my approach to marriage today.

I've been married for over 16 years. And today, in those moments when I don’t understand my husband or he makes me mad about something, I’m tempted to think that I'm perfect and he needs to be the one to change (sound familiar?!). 

But I'm learning that pointing fingers at someone else (and never myself) won't take me very deep in any relationship, especially a marriage!

So when I encounter marital differences, I'm learning to step away from the emotion of the situation so that I can hear God's truth.

I walk away. I journal. I take a deep breath before launching off into a tirade of "you shoulds."

I wait for God to give me the clarity to know whether I should hold my tongue, share my emotions with my husband with grace, or to simply let it go.

It's far from easy! And I don't want you to think that I always respond this way (because I don't). 

But when I do, I move one step closer toward becoming that "right person" my spouse needs me to be. Little victories like these encourage me to keep working for my marriage instead of against it.