Why Christian Marriages Need More Sex Than Ever

welcome

We all know that marriage—especially Christian marriage—is under attack.

And while there are complicated reasons why husbands and wives don’t get along (or may even divorce), many, many times our marriages suffer simply because we stop intentionally investing in them.

And often the first “investment” to go? We stop having sex.

Or maybe we are still having sex occasionally (of course every marriage is different), but here’s the real issue:

We are no longer making love to our spouses.

And friends, this is why our marriages (and thus, the foundation of our families) is slowly eroding.

Why don't we have more sex? We have a thousand excuses. How do we get past the excuses and have the more intimate relationship we're really craving with our spouse? And how can having more sex make all the difference in our marriage?

Wives, we have a thousand good excuses for why we’re not having sex (or if we are, why we’re not making love):

  • My husband and I are so busy!
  • He has a hectic travel schedule.
  • We are just too tired after a long day.
  • We’re bored with each other.
  • We just don’t “feel like it.”

But here’s the thing (and I’m not going to sugarcoat this):

We have to find a way to overcome these trials for this season in our marriage, whether it’s easy or not. 

We have to place “making love” at the top of the priority list–before kids, before work, before everything.

Why the emphasis on sex and making love? And what’s the difference between the two?

And what can we do today to start making love and investing in our marriages more? (This free resource can help… but more on that in a minute).

That’s what I want to talk about today–not as a marriage expert, but as a Christian wife, mom and woman who has seen so many friends lose their marriages, and who herself has seen her own marriage erode when she’s ignored the critical element of making love to her husband.

Make no mistake–what we talk about in this post may save your marriage, or that of someone you know.

Yes, what I’m about to say is THAT important. (Click next to read more!)

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Leave a Reply 16 comments

Abigail Cain - May 7, 2016 Reply

This is very true. My husband and I have 2 small kids and I recently entered into a home business which I am happy is doing well, but I find it is a constant excuse to always put work ahead of everything. It’s sorta silly to think I would rather work no stop then take time to be close with the person I love most. And that being said I will now take your advice and log off my computer and go be with my hubby for a while. Thanks for sharing. 😉

    Alicia Michelle - May 9, 2016 Reply

    🙂 🙂 I LOVE this, Abigail. Thank you for your transparency and honesty!! It really is so so easy to put other things before our time alone with our husbands. And I love that you got off the computer to do just that!! LOL Awesome!

Aimee Imbeau - May 12, 2016 Reply

I totally agree with you, Alicia. Making love is vital to a marriage. I cringe when I hear women use it as a means to get their way. I shudder when I hear someone say they haven’t made love in 2 years (sorry, I just wouldn’t be able to last that long!). There are many excuses to avoid intimacy. But…if I can receive full and complete healing in that area of my life (childhood sexual abuse), then anyone can experience the Lord’s redemption and restoration.
Thanks for sharing at Grace and Truth.

    Alicia Michelle - May 13, 2016 Reply

    Beautiful thoughts, Aimee. I agree–making love should NEVER be a weapon used to manipulate. This breaks my heart as well when I hear about this. And thank you for sharing your testimony of God’s healing power over your past! All praise to Him! He is amazingly powerful and full of grace. And I’m always glad to share at Grace and Truth! 🙂 Blessings to you today.

Rosemary - July 6, 2016 Reply

So what does an older couple, who both have chronic illnesses do to be intimate and deal with not making love? This is a hard subject in my marriage right now.

    Alicia Michelle - July 13, 2016 Reply

    Hi Rosemary! I’m so sorry to hear about these difficulties in your marriage right now. I am not a therapist, but here’s an idea. Would it be possible to connect in other physical ways (holding hands, hugging, etc) to make up for this? Of course it is not the same, but the point is to still keep that close connection using other means. I would suggest making sure that the other ways you connect and show love to each other are extra strong.

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Tough Issues - Fulfilling Your Vows - November 25, 2016 Reply

[…] Sure, you’re civil to each other. You smile together for the family photo, happily split household chores, and may even make love regularly. […]

Heather - December 11, 2016 Reply

What if my husband is the one that doesn’t want to “make love” or even have sex? I seem to always initiate, and he doesn’t always have sex then?

    Alicia Michelle - December 13, 2016 Reply

    Heather, I am so sorry to hear about this issue going on in your marriage. I can understand how frustrating that can be. There have been periods in our marriage where we have gone through this as well. There could be many reasons why he may not want to make love. What does he say about this when you ask him? If your marriage is close in other areas and you sense that he just isn’t into it sometimes, I’d let it go for now. It’s totally possible that you may each have differing sex drives. However, I know that still is frustrating because you may think, “Well, why wouldn’t you want to?” You may want to look at some the resources I have on this page for more in-depth help on this topic: http://yourvibrantfamily.com/resources-better-sex-christian-marriage/

Carol - December 13, 2016 Reply

My husband and I had struggle in in sexual relationship because he went through depression treatment that caused him to have low sex desire. He asked me to drive first to make him arouse then I tried it many times that it brought me to disappointment . So I decided to forget sex anymore. Then our relationship become cold i went to bed early and fall asleep before he went to rest. Yes i need moreintimacy with him but its hard . What will I do?

    Alicia Michelle - December 13, 2016 Reply

    Hi Carol, thank you for sharing you story here. I know that takes courage. I’m hesitant to give you a quick answer because it sounds like there may be some deeper issues going on in your marriage that need to be considered. I would highly recommend that you speak with a counselor, trusted friend or pastor who may be able to better direct you through this. I am praying right now that God would restore the closeness in your marriage.

Auriel - January 7, 2017 Reply

My husband and I have not been intimate for at least 6 months. I do not feel attracted to him anymore. More than that I feel he doesn’t give me the love and attention that I need. I have spoken to him about this on numerous occasions, however he makes an attempt once and then reverts back to his old behaviour. I am trying to keep it together mainly for our kids but don’t know how much longer I can do this..I don’t even know if I still love him

    Alicia Michelle - January 10, 2017 Reply

    Auriel! Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear this! It sounds like things are very challenging in your marriage and that there are some deep core issues going on that need to be addressed. I would highly recommend that you and your husband find a trusted counselor or pastor who can help you both process what’s going on and get to the bottom of this. I think every couple struggles from time to time with the feelings waxing and waning, but we each need to learn how to process our emotions while dealing with that (because they are still real). I also understand those moments when you feel like he doesn’t give you the love and attention you need (been there too). I will say, however, that something that God has taught me is that my heart was ultimately not made to be fulfilled by my husband. My husband needs to be loving and actively be a part of the relationship, of course. But bottom line, my need to be loved has to come from a deep understanding and relationship with Jesus. Not just a Sunday morning “check the box” kind of worship, but a daily, honest, pursuit of God through prayer and reading the Bible. He fills us up and gives us purpose. He shows us how to LIVE FULLY through those moments when we don’t think we can make it. He shows us HOW to love our husbands in those times when we feel nothing. I know this is a lot to talk about, but I would start with those two areas–looking to God to fill you up first and then giving you the love for your husband; and then seeking professional counsel together so there can be restoration. Don’t put it off… your kids and your marriage (and the full, vibrant life God wants for you) is worth it! Praying for you now.

Shauna - February 6, 2017 Reply

I tried to download the link. It doesn’t seem to be working! I am so sad! Trying to strengthen our marriage!!! Love what you are saying so far!!! Please help me get it thanks!

    Alicia Michelle - February 7, 2017 Reply

    Hey Shauna! Thanks so much for drawing this to my attention! The link is working now! I hope you’re able to check it out. Blessings to you as you strengthen your marriage!

How NOT to be a Frumpy Homeschool Mom - Joy in the Journey - February 15, 2017 Reply

[…] all sexual healing on you. If you want to talk about that three letter word head over to here to my friend Alicia’s blog. But, I am going to talk about YOU and feeling good about yourself. When you feel good about […]

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