The Surprising Secret to Better Sex for Christians

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Where Hope Began for Our Sex Life

We approached our ministry supervisor, who pointed us to a prayer-counseling ministry that included a weekend-long session. With our ten-month-old baby who was still nursing, we traveled eight hours to the event, prayerful that God would show us a solution.

Throughout the weekend, pastoral leaders shared from the heart. They were honest and candid about their own brokenness and shared how they found healing. In addition to group sessions where we heard testimonies of renewed relationships, Wayne and I received individual ministry. We met with pastoral counselors with whom we shared painful experiences in our lives.

During that time of counseling and confession, we each uncovered how events from our past darkened the lens through which we viewed sex.

Being honest with each other and with God allowed His light to shine into our relationship and mend our broken places. As a result, our sexual intimacy went from being the coldest part of our relationship to being hot and steamy.

Adding to our newfound physical intimacy was a spiritual unity like we had never experienced in our lives. Wayne initiated a time of prayer early in the mornings before he went to his secondary job. Very often, we made love after that time of prayer together before he left for his early morning shift.

The spiritual fulfillment of prayer flowed into an emotional connectedness, which lit the fire of physical intimacy.

“Grow your marriage 5 easy habits printable

We couldn’t get enough of each other. We were truly changed. Wayne read Christian books about sexual intimacy and grew in his knowledge as a lover.

He selflessly brought me so much pleasure that sex became my favorite pastime. Through subsequent pregnancies and recovery, we kept making love, continuing to nurture our emotional, spiritual, and physical relationship.

Because we understand the need for all three strands of the spiritual, emotional, and sexual aspects of marriage to be strongly entwined, we’ve since coached and encouraged many couples through marriage ministry. We were passionate to help and compassionate about the pain.

And we know that God can heal and renew relationships in exciting and beautiful ways.

Now, here’s what you need to know to have better married sex. (Go here).

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About the Author

Sue Detweiler is a wife, mother of six, author, and pastor with more than twenty-five years of experience in marriage, ministry, and education. She is also a popular speaker who shares her heart and wisdom internationally on issues related to marriage, family, women, prayer, leadership, and ministry.

Leave a Reply 28 comments

Donna Reidland - December 4, 2015 Reply

I’ve often said, we in the church need to be talking more about this subject. Thanks for sharing a great testimony! Visiting today from Creative K Kids.

Lisa/SyncopatedMama - December 4, 2015 Reply

Wow. That’s a story. So happy that everyone was safe from the fire and that growth resulted from such a difficult time in the marriage!

Rhiannon Skeen - December 4, 2015 Reply

This was a wonderful and encouraging article. I nodded in agreement with what Sue said about post baby sex. It was a challenge. God restores though, and with him as the center the passion for each other only grows.

    Alicia Michelle - December 6, 2015 Reply

    I agree, Rhiannon! I so appreciate Sue’s wisdom here and appreciate her perspective. Thank you for sharing your story too. 🙂

Sue Detweiler (@SueDetweiler) - December 6, 2015 Reply

I have found that the more transparent we are, the more that God’s light can shine through the imperfections of our life. Talking about sex with openness and candor has been so helpful in our ministry to marriages. I must say that writing the book “9 Traits of a Life-Giving Marriage” did make me feel a bit vulnerable. Yet seeing how it is helping so many brings great joy. You can find me at http://www.SueDetweiler.com

sizzlesue15 - December 7, 2015 Reply

I love to here positive outcomes when marriages start to go off track. I’m so pleased you both found your passion again, were safe in the fire and strengthened your faith. Thank you for sharing your personal story with us at our very first #OvertheMoon link up and see you next week.

    Sue Detweiler - February 29, 2016 Reply

    SizzleSue,
    Wow! I need to add “Sizzle” to my name too! Tell me more about #Overthemoon linkup!

For All the Times I Couldn't Say 'I Am Sorry' - Sunshine Whispers - December 10, 2015 Reply

[…] Your Vibrant Family let us in on the Surprising Secret to a More Passionate Marriage. […]

Hailee - January 14, 2016 Reply

This was very nice to read. Recently my fiancé and I have been going through very big stressors and we’ve just experienced a dullness in our relationship that was never there before so it’s very inspiring to read what helped you and your husband. Thank you for sharing.

    Alicia Michelle - January 14, 2016 Reply

    Hi Hailee! Thank you for sharing your story! It’s never easy to talk about this, but I’m grateful that Sue was willing to open up and help us see that intimacy is something that many couples struggle with. I pray you’re able to use her ideas here about growing spiritually together to bless your marriage!

Ana (@ANAWINSblog) - January 22, 2016 Reply

Sounds like our retreat was life changing! I completely understand about the post baby feelings. I think that is a hurdle we all have to go through, unfortunately. 🙁 Never heard of the book, I’ll have to keep it in mind!

The Jessie K - February 9, 2016 Reply

Great post! I so agree that a passionate marriage begins with a solid and open relationship with God, by both partners. My husband and I have seen the difference of bringing God into your marriage for the better! 🙂

    Alicia Michelle - February 10, 2016 Reply

    Yay! Yes, fantastic! Thank you for sharing that a relationship with God can make such a difference between a so-so marriage and a passionate marriage. I’m so grateful that God has allowed a new level of connection into your marriage too! Blessings to you!

Ginny Penry - February 20, 2016 Reply

Through a homeschool pin I found your board Alicia. What a direct movement of God though!! As I opened this pin and began to read, my heart was overwhelmed. I am a pastor’s wife and can TOTALLY identify with Sue. Praying for God to restore real intimacy in my marriage. This article gave me so much hope and encouragement! Thank you for sharing!

    Alicia Michelle - February 20, 2016 Reply

    Ginny! How awesome! What a beautiful testimony, and I appreciate your transparency! I am praying for you right now for the intimacy and restoration that you need in your marriage. God is powerful and amazing and can do great things! Blessings to you!

    Sue Detweiler - February 29, 2016 Reply

    Ginny, Praying for you too!

Bree - February 24, 2016 Reply

This is really encouraging! I’m due to have our first baby soon, and I’ve heard so much about post-baby sex. I can’t even imagine the additional stress of a house fire! It’s so heartening to hear about the amazing things God can do in any situation!

    Alicia Michelle - February 25, 2016 Reply

    Hi Bree! Yes! God is so faithful to keep us connected to our spouses through every season and it’s so beautiful to look back and to see all that He does through our marriages as we walk through those changes together. I’m so glad the post encouraged you! Thanks for sharing and stopping by! And best wishes on your upcoming delivery!

    Sue Detweiler - February 29, 2016 Reply

    Yes! God uses everything… I learned so much during this time… It was so difficult that it gave me a heart to help others. By the way, I also wrote a book specifically for moms that you may enjoy reading too!

Tasia - February 25, 2016 Reply

This is great. Something we need to remember is intimacy with our spouse. It is so easily forgotten and it’s sad because it has so much power. I love that in order to achieve it your heart needs to be turned towards God. We must have God at the center. To get there takes prayer especially when both partners are not on the same page! Visiting from Batavias Best Bargains and shared in my Facebook groups!

    Sue Detweiler - February 29, 2016 Reply

    So true Tasia! In fact in my book, I talked about a breakthrough we experienced after we began to pray together. Be encouraged!

Tessa Kirby - February 25, 2016 Reply

This totally hit home with me! I can say that I felt exactly like you did after having my first baby and sex was the last thing on my mind. After an amazing inner healing process for the both of us we now have the best sex we’ve ever had. It just goes to show you how much the Lord designed us so beautifully. Thanks for sharing your heart!

    Sue Detweiler - February 29, 2016 Reply

    Tessa,
    I’m so glad this was helpful to you. Sharing our story in a vulnerable way has been able to help so many!

Christie - September 1, 2016 Reply

Thanks Sue, I will make use of this when I get married, am about to get married in few months.

    Sue Detweiler - September 3, 2016 Reply

    Christie,
    I pray for great joy and expectation as you enter into this relationship filled with God’s hope! Hope you plan to do premarital to help you prepare. We have walked with a couple for the last few months and tomorrow we officiate at their wedding. It’s such a joy!

Nickname - November 18, 2016 Reply

What do you do when the marriage is cold in spite of both spouses having close walk with God? There have only been a few short periods of intimacy, with the rest of 22 years (even from beginning) being constant struggle and hardships. Tried counseling (two different time periods with multiple visits), prayer counseling intensive week, workshops and books. Always back where we started or worse, feeling like another attempt has failed. I know God doesn’t intend for marriage to be miserable, but still looking for a way to improve things to where we can enjoy marriage and intimacy. Looking forward to reading your book.

Celeste - February 1, 2017 Reply

How does a marriage survive when there can be no physical intimacy due to health related issues? You can love someone, but lose a connection with them when you cannot be intimate with them and are not able to share yourself with the person you love. It is devistating and lonely. Over time you can become resentful and lose respect. Caring about the little things and over looking flaws becomes harder. No one seems to ever address these types of situations. Maybe because they don’t know what advise to offer.

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