When Homeschooling Is Lonely and Hard: An Honest Conversation from One Homeschool Mom to Another

HONEST AND REAL: Yes, I've felt lonely and tired on the homeschooling journey too. Some truth to carry us through. [VibrantHomeschooling.com]My husband was out of town last night on business. Like he always does when he’s out of town, he called me after the kids went to bed and asked “How was your day?”.

Oddly enough I had been anticipating his question all day (and thinking about how best to answer it). Motherhood in general—and how HARD it could be–had been heavy on my mind. Did he really want to know what my day was like?

Of course, being my best friend, he would listen and be sympathetic. And as someone whom is also tasked with parenting our kids (and whom also knows them intimately), he can relate to my daily struggles.

But would he really understand? Would my sweet loving husband—who gets to escape to a job every day—ever really get it, no matter how much I try to describe it?

No, I decided. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t understand the relentlessness of motherhood… the sheer endurance required to just keep going during those times when you so want to give up. 

He doesn’t understand that sometimes–oftentimes, actually–homeschooling is lonely and hard.

Would another homeschool mom understand what I was going through? Maybe. Somewhat. I’m sure she could relate since she was faced with similar daily challenges with her own kids.

But really, even she—the one who lived a parallel life—wouldn’t get the total picture because she didn’t live with my kids.  She doesn’t face my same daily challenges. And to be fair, I don’t face hers. So like my husband, she can understand to a degree, but never fully.

To put it bluntly, there is no one else who completely understands my daily struggles. There is no one else who completely gets it.

Truly.

This could be quite a lonely concept.

That is if I didn’t have a relationship with the One who created me.

He not only knows me, He knows you. And your kids.

And no one else cares for you (or them) more than He does.

He is the person whom is the silent observer in every conversation. The One who loves us in spite of every mistake we’ve ever made. The One who knew your heart yesterday and who knows it right now… deep in the throes of motherhood and homeschooling.

This is more than mere “religion” or following a set of rules. It is being called into a relationship with the One who demonstrates how to live the fullest life (John 10:10; Eph 3:18-20).

He wants to be our gentle guide toward peaceful places of replenishment and restoration (Psalm 1, 23).

He is the One that can pick you us when we fall (as I so often do on my mothering journey) (Psalm 94:16-19).

He sees the scars of our past mistakes, and still says, “you are my daughter, my beautiful bride. Come with me, and let me make things new” (Song of Songs 2:10-13; Isaiah 43:19; Psalm 32:1-5; 2 Corinthians 5:17).

He wants to be our refuge and strength, our “very present help in times of trouble” (Psalm 46:1; Psalm 9:9; Psalm 91:14-16).

He reminds us to not worry about the passing troubles of this life (John 14:1; Matthew 6:34).

He tells us to focus my eyes not on the fading pleasures of this world, but to spend our moments doing things that count for eternity (Matthew 6:19-21; Matthew 6:25-33; 2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

He whispers that your soul (and mine) has infinite worth, and that ultimately we are to live and breathe for Him, our audience of one (Psalm 56:3-4; Psalm 31:19-24; Psalm 27:1-3).

There is truly none like Him (1 Samuel 2:2; 1 Chronicles 17:20; Exodus 8:10). And yet, His love for me (and for you) is so strong that He says, “I’m willing to sacrifice all that I am as King of the Universe to simply come down and live among you so that you can see a tangible picture of what a godly life looks like (Philippians 2:5-7; Colossians 1:15); and so that you can see first hand that there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you (including die in your place).”

Truly, we are put in these situations where we must say “No one understands my struggles” (Proverbs 14:10) so that we can realize the desperation of our situation— that there’s nothing we’ve done that is too wretched; that there’s no pain that money or privilege can hide us from (book of Ecclesiastes); and that there is no one but Him that can fully understand (1 Chronicles 28:9; Proverbs 2:6).

He uses our desperation—yes, even the everyday chaos of motherhood—to cause us to lift our eyes and quiet our hearts. Can you see it?

In this insanely busy world, sometimes pain is the only way that we can stop our running long enough to actually listen to the heartbeat of the true life—the deepest, eternal purpose that goes beyond our running to and fro and gives a meaning to the madness.

Do you hear Him calling out to You when you are at the end of your rope with your kids?

Do you hear Him saying, “Beloved, I see you struggling. I understand. I am listening”?

Do you hear His quiet voice whispering, “It’s alright. Take a five-minute break. Clear your mind so that you can listen to how I want you to respond in this situation”?

Do you feel His arms comforting you like no mother, husband or friend ever could, offering an indescribable peace that just doesn’t make sense given the circumstances (Psalm 94:16-19; Philippians 4:7)?

He wants to give these things to you. In fact, you were not meant to live this life without them.

Have you asked this most precious “friend of all friends” to have a home in your heart?

This isn’t some strange, mystical event. It’s simply saying, “I have not lived a perfect life, and I never will, no matter how I try. I recognize that I was made for a greater purpose than to just exist from day to day. Will you please show me that purpose? Will you give me a new hope and reason for living? Will you help me die to what I think is important so that You can show me the path to true and complete life?”

If this is a commitment you’ve already made to Him, then, sister, I say to you: lift your eyes up! Stop focusing on the circumstances themselves, but instead on the treasure He may have for you to learn through them. He says that our trials not only teach us how to be comforters to others (2 Corinthians 1:3-7) but bring us closer to him (Hebrews 4:15-16). Read His word—the source of all true wisdom and power (Hebrews 4:12) and the guidebook to the full, happy life (Psalm 119:105).

It doesn’t mean that life as a Christian is always perfect and always makes sense. And some days, homeschooling is lonely and hard. But we do have a great someone who can understand and who does care deeply, even if some days it feels like we can’t ever be fully understood.

 

 

About Alicia Michelle

As a wife and mom to four passionate kids, Alicia Michelle loves encouraging other moms with practical tips for joy-filled living in everyday life, especially in parenting, marriage, faith and health.Alicia is the owner/editor of Your Vibrant Family; the author of Plan to Be Flexible, The Back to School Survival Manual; and the creator/producer of the "7 Days to a Less Angry Mom Online Video Course,", Christ-Centered Christmas Resources and My Memory Box Organizing System. In addition, she is a monthly contributor for several popular family blogs, including Crosswalk.com.Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Leave a Reply 8 comments

Derika - May 21, 2014 Reply

I really needed this. Thank you for allowing God to use you.

    Alik Kazsuk - May 21, 2014 Reply

    Derika, thank you. This has been one of those posts that has been rattling around in my head for a while and it all seemed to come together in the last 24 hours. I was praying that the timing of the post would be providential and a blessing. Thank you for sharing that it blessed you! More answered prayer. 🙂

Kelle Flear - May 22, 2014 Reply

Alicia. Thank you. I read through in my bible some of the scriptures that spoke to me. (Psalm 32, Isaiah 43 for starters). I needed this reminder today. When I can feel overwhelmed that ‘no one gets me or my struggles’… I can remember to seek Him, look up to my Creator because he knows and sees all and loves me through the mess. Things have been rough lately.. but I am consistently being reminded He smooths them out for me if I seek His peace and all my struggles are growth opportunities if I seek His righteousness in them and ask what He is trying to show me about myself. It is a process for sure. Hugs to you, from another homeschool mom.

    Alik Kazsuk - May 22, 2014 Reply

    Kelle, it so blesses me to read this. Somedays it can feel as if we’re on the journey alone, but thanks be to God that we are not! Thank you for sharing about this growing/challenging season you’re in. Let’s keep our perspective focused on Him as we persevere through these daily trials, knowing that He is doing wonderful work in us to bring us closer to Him! Big hugs back to you. 🙂

Jerry Moore - September 8, 2014 Reply

Alicia, I also homeschooled my children and it is definitely not for the weak of heart who have no HOPE, Jesus Christ & Him Crucified. My journey started in the 1970’s (when it was not popular, nor was it legal in many states). I look back and think of all the ways that I could have improved on the education, and of course the internet would have helped immensely. But that was then, and this is now.

You are blessed to have taken this course through life and one day God will reward you for your love and faithfulness to your family. The best blessing came to me many years later when my grandchildren entered the world. Both my son and daughter openly declared that they would be homeschooling their children. Wow – those hard times when I had to chase down my son and make him study, or when my daughter insisted on going to Public School and becoming a cheerleader (NOT!) – tough times with no compromise-a lonely stand. Satan wants these kids more than ever today – so I commend you. Stay strong, believe, have faith, and as the song says “it will be worth it all”. God is so Good!

Jerry
Co-founder, Team Give Moore

    Alicia Kazsuk - September 8, 2014 Reply

    Jerry, this is beautiful. What a beautiful legacy you have to now see your children homeschooling their own! That in itself speaks volumes. Thank you for the encouragement! May God bless you and your family as well. 🙂

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