Once we’re married, flirting suddenly becomes second to keeping up with the chaos of family life.
And if we are encouraged to flirt with our spouse, it’s always as a prequel to sex.
But flirting–which is just really a way to keep your marriage fun–is so much more than just an invite to romance.
I believe flirting with your husband is the best way to keep friendship and fun the focus of your marriage!
Check out these 18 fun and easy tips (plus lots of great resources and ideas) on how to flirt with your husband today!
Flirting: It’s About More Than Sex
I’m all for having good sex. But honestly, flirting–like marriage–can be about so much more than just physical intimacy.
Flirting is about knowing what makes your spouse smile. What makes their day. What would be a help to them.
Discover that and you’ll feed the fire of sexual intimacy as an awesome extra!
What Does Flirting With Your Spouse Look Like?
We often think that flirting with a spouse has to mean bringing flowers, sending love notes and sexy lingerie. Sure those things are nice, but that doesn’t have to be all that flirting is. And flirting doesn’t have to be anything huge!
Here’s the real question:
What makes your husband feel loved? What are his love languages? What does he love about you?
And, alternatively, share with him what makes you feel loved!
Discover those things about each other, and find little ways to turn these into flirting moments!
I promise that it can be an easy and fun habit to work into your everyday relationship.
What If My Spouse Never Flirts With Me?
I totally hear you. We are busy, stressed people and marriage isn’t always about one big flirt-fest. My spouse also travels a bit, so flirting in person isn’t always a possibility.
You just do your part. Don’t worry about if he isn’t reciprocating right away, or if it isn’t equal. It may even be a sacrifice at first. That’s fine.
Just do one thing today. And then tomorrow, do another. If it’s difficult, ask God to renew your hearts and to rediscover this way to regularly show love. It’s an important way to strengthen your relationship!
18 Easy Ways to Flirt With Your Spouse Today
Every couple has different ways to flirt and show love to each other, but here are some of the ways my husband and I flirt.
1) Just-Between-You Jokes. You know the ones. When one of you says that phrase from that movie, it makes you laugh and giggle (and no one else knows why)!
2) A Smile. My hubby has this little grin. And when he shows me that authentic smile from across the room, my heart melts!
3) Special Outfit. I know there are certain outfits that he likes that I wear. And sometimes I “encourage” him to wear a certain shirt (because he looks really cute in it). It’s fun to wear something that you know your husband thinks you look great in it.
4) Do Chores for Each Other. No, really! When I was growing up, my mom had a refrigerator magnet that said, “I love a man with dishpan hands.” I never fully understood that until I had a sink of dirty dishes facing me every day! If my husband cleans up the kitchen unexpectedly, I am one happy wife.
5) Cologne. I really, really like it when my husband wears a certain cologne. I always joke with him, “You smell too good to leave this house.” Speaking of that…
6) Enjoy being sexual together. What is the best frequency for you as a couple? It’s not about comparing ourselves to other couples. Married sex is also not about lust, but about connection. It’s so easy to let making love slide as a priority, but my husband and I have found that regular times of making love bring much needed closeness and keep the spark alive between us.
P.S. Can I suggest these posts as places to get more perspective on the very sensitive (but so important) topic of married sex?
- The Surprising Secret to Better Sex for Christians
- Why Christian Marriages Need More Sex Than Ever
- 63 Incredible Resources for Better Sex in Christian Marriage
7) Write “Just Because” Texts. A “just thinking of you” text in the middle of the day is always awesome. Or even little things like letting the other one know you’re praying for them can go a long way.
8) Love notes. Love these little notes! Or even a post-it note works! Sometimes I put a quick love note in my husband’s suitcase if he’s traveling, or I put them on his desk in our home office. This post has lots of fun spins on the love note idea!
9) Spontaneous Physical Affection. Sometimes I stop to give my husband a hug while I’m making dinner. Or I’ll go into his office and give him a quick hug and kiss. Not anything that will lead to something huge, but just ways to keep the fire going.
10) Laugh! You’ve got to admit it–life is just darn funny sometimes. It seems like there’s always something extra crazy to laugh about going on at our house. We also have a handful of movies we watch from time to time that crack us up and keep us laughing.
11) Regular Chat Times. My love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. So flirting to me often equals 15 minutes alone with my spouse to talk about the day. And speaking of chatting…
12) Read the Bible Together. Each week, we try to spend several times together discussing God’s word and praying over our family. I shared about that here (and how to make couples devotions a regular habit–one without guilt!).
13) Holding hands. We try to do this while watching a movie, walking into church, going on a hike, etc. With four kids around us, it’s not easy, but when we remember to do it, it’s a wonderful way to flirt. Here’s more resources on how to be more physically affectionate with your spouse.
14) Sit close to each other. We heard at a marriage conference once that our brains are affected on a chemical level when we simply holds hands with our spouse or somehow let our bodies touch. That’s amazing to me!
15) Massage. Sure, there can be dedicated times of couples massage (here are some great tips!) but everyday things like rubbing his neck while he’s driving are simple and easy ways to flirt with my husband!
16) Talk about it! Share ideas! Tell each other what you like!
17) Keep your relationship light and your friendship strong (check out this list of conversation starters for everyday marriage issues).
You’ll also love these 130 Ways to Say I Love You to Your Spouse!
Awesome Books to Build Your Marriage
Other Marriage Posts That Can Inspire Flirting
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