Is Your Marriage Headed for Trouble? 5 Signs to Look For

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5 Signs Your Marriage May Be In Trouble

P.S. If you see these happening in your marriage, I highly encourage you to meditate on these biblical truths (asking God for his insight into your situation) and possibly seek out a trusted friend or professional counselor for advice.

Also, physical or mental abuse are definite signs of a marriage in trouble. Seek immediate help should this describe your marriage.

This list is an adapted excerpt of a post I wrote for Crosswalk.com. Read the entire post here.

1) You don’t desire to serve your spouse or to put them first

We are called to sacrificially love our spouses (Ephesians 5) everyday, whether that’s physically serving them or allowing their opinions to be as valuable as our own (Philippians 2:3-4) when making decisions.

I hear you. We think, “Why should I serve them when they do XYZ, when they don’t treat me right, or when I know they won’t serve me back in return?”

But here’s the thing: rending yourself unable to love them “until” (until they treat you correctly, etc) means that you are shortchanging the beautiful example of sacrificial love that God designed for marriage.

And bottom line, this inability to unconditionally serve your spouse will severely limit the closeness between the two of you and stifle God’s desire to use marriage to grow you in holiness.

Your spouse doesn’t have to “deserve” your unconditional love in order for you to give it. In fact, that’s the very definition of unconditional love and the foundation of grace itself.

These moments are a very real reminder that we aren’t really serving our spouses in marriage but God Himself!

If you see signs of this in your marriage, consider these verses:

  • Ephesians 5:22, 24-26, 28, 33
  • 1 Corinthians 7:32-34

2) You care less and less about your spouse’s opinions or desires

Let’s be frank—sometimes our spouses annoy us! 

While I’m not advocating that we dismiss our feelings or don’t give validity to our emotions, it’s dangerous to a marriage when we habitually choose to not weigh our spouse’s opinions as important as our own. 

Why? Because friendship is the foundation of every marriage. A strong friendship isn’t self-seeking, but seeks to bless and help the other person, which sometimes results in sacrificing our own opinions and desires in order to maintain peace or demonstrate love (1 Corinthians 13).

That’s why when we dismiss our spouse’s feelings as unimportant, we are hurting the friendship with our spouse, and by default, damaging our marriage.

Here are a few scriptures with more insight on the topic:

  • 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
  • 1 Corinthians 10:24
  •  Philippians 2:3-4

3) Unresolved conflict has built in your marriage and forgiveness seems difficult.

It’s normal for arguments to happen in marriage.  But the real question is, “What do we do with those conflicts?”

I think of unresolved tension in marriage like a pair of really dirty eyeglasses. Every time we have an argument or issue between us, our glasses (the lens of how we see each other) can get clouded and covered over with smudges, dirt and other debris.

If we don’t remove those “smudges” immediately through forgiveness and reconciliation, it becomes harder to see our spouses clearly (and it certainly becomes difficult to love and serve them unconditionally)!

We must create the habit of dealing with these issues immediately and moving on so that our marriages can operate freely and not be smothered by unresolved conflict.

Consider these verses:

  • Ephesians 4:2
  • Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32
  • Hebrews 12:15
  • Proverbs 17:9
  • Proverbs 18:19
  • 1 Corinthians 13:5

4) Physical intimacy is non-existent or done with a lustful heart

I’ve found in my marriage that our sex life is a good indicator of our overall marital health.

Sex can be a beautiful balm of reconciliation when couples are going through tough times. Many times, I feel like sexual intimacy “resets” the connection in my marriage.

I share this to say that sex is intended to be an emotional (not just physical) investment in each other, and when a couple reduces it down to a physical act (or they don’t make love regularly), they are short-changing their marital growth and connection.

Many of us let this aspect of marriage slowly erode, and quite frankly, it’s easy to do so!

Besides being “too busy” or “too tired,” here are some other potential reasons why physical intimacy may be lacking:

We can’t allow the enemy to use our busy-ness or our emotional scars to keep our marriage from this most vital form of connection.

We must make sexual connection with our spouses a priority in order for our marriages to thrive (you can read more about this here).

5) You’re no longer making regular, intentional investments in your marriage

We enter marriage with hearts full of hope and excitement because we’ve spent hours investing in our relationship (think date nights, time alone to talk, etc).

Then we get married, and suddenly as the years go by (and we become distracted by other good things like a career, kids or even ministry), our marriage may not seem as bright and shiny with optimism anymore. In fact, it may seem lackluster and simply limp along as we focus the bulk of our emotional energies toward other pursuits.

That’s why date nights and regular scheduled time alone together are so important! We must make intentional investments in our relationship should we want them to stay vibrant and growing. 

Consider this: Do your thoughts, actions and schedule demonstrate that you’ve allowed a career, kids (or other potentially good things) to come before your marriage?

It’s so easy to let this happen! And we can come up with a thousand excuses, but we must find creative ways to intentionally invest in our marriages.

Here are four ideas:

These “Strengthening Your Marriage” Resources are an incredible tool to do that! You’ll get 4 resources:

  • The Rekindling Romance eKit,
  • 90 Date Night Questions printables,
  • How to Plan a Marriage Retreat for Two; and
  • 30 Days of Loving Your Husband! 

All for only 13.50 (50% off the regular price!)

325-x-475-Strengthen-Your-Marriage-Bundle

 

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I’m praying for you today, and for your marriage!

Hebrews 13:4 tells us to “give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage.”

We must nurture our relationships in order to honor them and to stay faithful!

I pray you’ll check out the “Strengthening Your Marriage Resources” to slowly build your marriage back up! It’s a great way to nurture your marriage!

 

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I’m praying for you today, and for your marriage!

Other Posts on Challenging Marriage Issues:

When Chronic Illness Invades Your Marriage

 

Real Help For Ongoing Marriage Issues (That Drive You Crazy!)

The Surprising Secret to Better Sex in Christian Marriage

Are Unrealistic Expectations Ruining Your Marriage?

When You’re Waiting for the Miracle in Your Marriage

10 Ground Rules for Fighting Fair in Marriage

5 Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

 

If this post encouraged you, please share and pin it!

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And don’t forget to check out the “Strengthening Your Marriage” Resources!

 

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About Alicia Michelle

As a wife and mom to four passionate kids, Alicia Michelle loves encouraging other moms with practical tips for joy-filled living in everyday life, especially in parenting, marriage, faith and health.Alicia is the owner/editor of Your Vibrant Family; the author of Plan to Be Flexible, The Back to School Survival Manual; and the creator/producer of the "7 Days to a Less Angry Mom Online Video Course,", Christ-Centered Christmas Resources and My Memory Box Organizing System. In addition, she is a monthly contributor for several popular family blogs, including Crosswalk.com.Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

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Thaleia from Something2Offer - July 11, 2016 Reply

Thanks for sharing your post on Good Tips Tuesday. Your post is being featured this week!

Great Tips for Your Marriage - A Bird and a Bean - July 11, 2016 Reply

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Good Tips Tuesday #132: Great Tips For Marriage | Day By Day in Our World - July 11, 2016 Reply

[…] from Successful Homemakers 5 Steps for an Intercultural Relationship from The Almost Indian Wife 5 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble from The Vibrant Family 10 Ways to Keep the Spark in Your Marriage from Life at the Table Is […]

Summertime Traveling With Kids Tips From #GTTuesday - 4 The Love Of Family - July 12, 2016 Reply

[…] from Successful Homemakers 5 Steps for an Intercultural Relationship from The Almost Indian Wife 5 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble from The Vibrant Family 10 Ways to Keep the Spark in Your Marriage from Life at the Table Is […]

Good Tips Tuesday #132 - July 12, 2016 Reply

[…] from Successful Homemakers 5 Steps for an Intercultural Relationship from The Almost Indian Wife 5 Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble from The Vibrant Family 10 Ways to Keep the Spark in Your Marriage from Life at the Table Is […]

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